


love him anyway

by youbetsya



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, idk he just needed a fuckin hug from his real dad you guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29305074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youbetsya/pseuds/youbetsya
Summary: basically I watched 4x04 and I couldn't fall asleep until someone gave evan buckley a hug
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash
Comments: 46
Kudos: 313





	love him anyway

Buck shifted his car into park and looked out the window. How did he even end up at Bobby and Athena’s house? He didn’t remember making the decision to drive here. He remembered anger boiling in his chest until he couldn’t breathe and he remembered yelling just to relieve the pressure and the look on his parents’ faces when he asked them to just  _ love him _ and they didn’t say a goddamn word. Just stared at him like he was a wild animal. 

He remembered pounding his fists against the steering wheel and screaming until his voice gave out. Or at least the bruises on his hands and the soreness in his throat remembered. Then nothing. Only a blustering storm of sharp, cold memories battering the inside of his head.

And now he was here. Too exhausted to be angry, feeling hollowed out and raw and so, so young. And he must have been driving around for hours because it was far too late for company. And he knew he shouldn’t knock on the door, shouldn’t disturb their evening. They were probably already in bed. 

But he couldn’t go back to his apartment alone, feeling like this. When he might do something stupid and prove his parents right. 

He turned off the ignition.

Walking up to the house, everything seemed like a dream. Edges were hazy, some things too bright, other things too dull. A persistent ringing filled his ears but somehow it felt like it belonged there. 

Buck’s knuckles were an inch from the door, about to knock against the wood when he stopped cold. His hand dropped limply to his side. What was he doing here? With all of the mistakes he’d made, all of the damage he’d done, even his own parents couldn’t love him. And he expected Bobby and Athena to — what?  _ Love him anyway?  _ That wasn’t their job. He took a shaky breath that scraped against his lungs and took a step back from the door to leave. 

Then the porch light clicked on, flooding the area around him in a gentle yellow glow, and he heard the snap of a deadbolt coming from inside. The door opened, revealing Bobby’s frame in the doorway, with Athena hovering just behind him. Both of them wearing pajamas and slippers and looking every bit like he had just woken them up. 

“Buck?” Bobby said, his brows furrowed in concern. “What are you doing here so late? Are you okay?”

“I…” Buck’s mouth was full of cotton. He felt  _ so  _ young. “I’m sorry, I should go.” He took another step back.

“Hold on.” Bobby stepped onto the porch and Athena took his place in the doorway, his hands held up in a placating gesture. “What’s wrong, Buck?” 

Just hearing his name after an endless night of jagged “Evan”s — from his parents at dinner, from Maddie and Chimney, from an endless stream of figures in his memories — was cold water on an open wound. He swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. 

“I just…” How could he explain to Bobby that he wasn’t even Buck right now? He was Evan. He was twelve years old sitting alone at dinner with his parents, hating them for not letting him see his sister, hating them for only ever seeing him when he was disappointing them, hating them for being there and hating them for not being there. Hating himself for not being enough.

Twelve year old Evan Buckley really, really needed a hug. 

Before he could second-guess himself, he closed the distance between him and Bobby in one stride and Bobby must have been able to see twelve year old Evan Buckley after all because his arms were already open when Buck reached him. Buck threw his arms around Bobby’s neck and buried his face into the worn T-shirt on his shoulder. Bobby’s arms were strong and steady against his back and he was just so  _ goddamn young.  _ Something snapped inside of him and every moment of the evening came rushing back all at once, a deluge of hurt that would have knocked him over if it weren’t for Bobby. Gasping sobs broke from his chest, shaking his entire body.

Bobby rubbed his back and whispered “Shhhh… shhhh…” like he was a little kid because in that moment he  _ was  _ and he couldn’t have been more grateful to Bobby for seeing that. 

“I’m so sorry,” He choked out in between sobs, “I’m so sorry.” He said it over and over.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Buck.” Bobby said, his voice nothing more than vibrations in Buck’s aching chest. “Nothing at all.” 

And Buck almost believed him. 


End file.
